I cherish you

"You were the one who made things different, you were the one who took me in. You were the one thing I could count on, above all, you were my friend."

Aaron, mate.

You know me so well huh?
I just left a message "Mate" and you already knew something was wrong
That I'm not feeling good, I'm not okay.
I need someone.

We've been through so much.
Arguments, quarrels. Seems like we never grew tired of it.
But what happened recently changed everything.
You tried so hard. Wanting me to forgive you.
I do.. Forgive you.
But what happened changed something.
I can't forget the way you once hurt me.
I can't forget how my heart shattered into pieces when we quarrel.
All those tears, pains, heartaches.
It's even more suffering than breakups.
You really meant a lot to me.

I can see that you've been trying hard to be there for me.
I thank you for that.
You always knew how to make me smile.
or even just cheer up.
Remember the day when we video called?
I was chatting with no one.
Just you.
I lied because I don't want to let you know how much I missed you
How much I needed you.
I was already happy when I notice you smiled when I did.
You really like me to be happy huh?
I laughed because I was reading one of my friend's blog.
That's why I'm laughing.

I really did love you, mate.
But what has happened between us
Made me anxious.
I'm afraid.
What happens if I forgive you and then things turn bad?
We end up in another argument?
I can't bear another heartbreak.
Not my heart.
I suffered enough.
Forgive me for trying to have a distance between us.
I just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't get hurt anymore.

I can't believe how much tears have dropped when I'm typing this article.
I feel physically and mentally broken.

Jonath. Darling.

You always asked me to call or text you whenever I can't sleep
I did it last night.
During 2:14am.
I waited.
Until morning.
I couldn't sleep.
And you know what's bothering me.
You apologize in the morning, telling me that you left your phone in silent mode.
I couldn't be mad at you.
How could I?
When I'm the one who neglected you.

You're my friend even before we can talk.
You held my hands from babies till now.
Not once, you let go of me.
We grew up together, learn together, comfort each other and also loved each other.
Our friendship is just like a fairytale.
Rock solid.
That's what I used to think.
Till I started neglected you for a reason.
You've been there for me, always.
I wished I could do the same.
But I'm just too selfish and just bothering my own problems.

I'm sorry.
Forgive me.

Aaron, Jonath.
You both.
Live in the bottom of my heart.
Always and forever.
Nothing and no one could ever replace you both.
Thanks for loving me.

Nicole.

Thanks sister.
For being there for me.
Throughout good and bad.
You always know how to warm my heart =]
Don't stop.
I need you.
& whenever you need me.
I'll be there.
Remember
You are not alone. =]

I will continue to love you all until the day they take my heart away.

XOXO,
Nathalie