This one goes out to you, Edward.

Surprise!

Okay, maybe not. But hey, I hope you're at least a little tiny bit surprise to read this post. It just seems like the right thing to have a post about you, especially when you are now part of my life, and well, as you know it, my blog is my life story. 

Where do I even begin? 

What do I even say? 

There's just so much that's going through my mind right now, I don't even know how to put everything in order and just write coherently. I guess you'll just have to bear with me. 

First off, I love you. 

I really do. 

You should know by now that my life has always been filled with assumptions, I never know how things will turn out or what will happen next even if I plan them out or at least try to work my way towards "my goal". But things never turn out the way I want them to, they always change and something will always happen that either forbids me to move forward or changes my direction. I have never, in my entire life, been sure about anything, not even with what I'm studying. I always question if its the right course and right major and I question a lot of things in my life. But if there's anything I'm ever sure about, its you. 

Actually, you ARE the only thing that I am sure about. 

I know that in my heart that you ARE my promise from God. 

You are the answer to my prayer. 

I've told you, I am not proud of my history. I've hesitated and dreaded a lot when you said you're reading my blog. There are a lot of things I would rather you not knowing, and let it stay hidden. I wanted to bury my past. I wanted to lock it away and never dig it up. I don't even want to look back. My past has hurt me a lot and sometimes, I don't even think I have the courage to look back. I'm so afraid that if I look back, it might just come back and slap me across the face. I'm afraid that my past will repeat itself. But seeing how you're enjoying in reading them, and how you found things funny and how you share them with me, eased my fears. 

I guess they're right. 

There are things that makes you laugh when you look back, thinking how silly you used to be. But its those things that have helped you grow, helped you mature. Its undeniable that I have changed, and I am so glad that I did. If it wasn't because of those mistakes and lessons, I don't think I'd ever wind up being with you. 

When you showed me little quotes of me saying "Next boyfriend PLEASE" in my old posts, the first thing that came to mind is "no more". 

I am done searching for something that's already in my grasp. I am done looking for my Prince Charming when he is just standing right there in front of me. I may not be proud of my pasts, but I am definitely grateful with what the future hold now that I have you. 

And when you showed me another quote that I wrote before, about how people will never be able to get used to their life because its filled with excitement and surprises. The moment when you told me you did get used to life, until you met me. You have no idea just how much that honestly touched me. 

Seriously. 

I don't think you have a clue. 

To think that I've actually brought change to someone's life when all I ever believed was that I am nothing but a burden, a pain and just another "add-on" that's useful in times but mostly, it can be left there without people even knowing its there. You have no idea how much that means to me. To know that maybe I can be someone's excitement and that someone looks forward to being with me. 

You have told me things that I don't think anyone has ever said to me, and you have undoubtedly changed my life. 

I guess finally, I wanted to tell you that my blog begins anew from here on. 

"Its not about erasing the past, its about learning and knowing how to turn the page". 

I can now officially and proudly turn my page. 

I cannot wait to write more about my life with you. Our adventure starts here. And maybe in 10 years time when we look back, we'll cringe at our old selves and find it funny how we used to react to certain things in the past. But mostly, how we fell for each other. How each argument just brought us closer. How each time we're with each other is just as magical and happy as the others. How we'll always be there for each other. 

I love you so very dearly, Edward. 

And may this last forever.

Yours sincerely,

Nathalie.