I have struggled a lot lately. Both in life and in religion.

Although I was glad to be back in Church and actually having a chance to serve God, it felt empty. Every week, I was being challenged with difficulties, every week, I would break down and cry to God for help. For all my life being a Christian, I have NEVER ever gotten close with my Lord. Never. And it's quite sad actually. As much as I tried to, I never seem to stay in pattern. I can't commit to the bible study every day, not even a simple praying every day. And to think I call myself a Christian, isn't that sad? 

God, as gracious as He is, has never forsaken me. Every week as I'm challenged with new difficulties, the Lord has always brought me to His comfort by the messages in Church every Sunday. Every Sunday I find comfort in the Lord's message from Pastor and for that slight moment, I would be thankful how the Lord is always answering my prayers 

Even after these amazing answers and comfort from God, I would somehow, during the weekdays go back to normal. As what they would say, a "fake" Christian. It's not like I don't wanna fulfill my duty, but I can't seem to commit and stick to the routine of even just giving my Lord a 5 minute prayer or 10 minute bible study. I remembered one week, while we were having little small groups of discussion after the message, after we prayed, the leader of group came over to me and said:" I heard God's voice. He's telling me He has plans for you, Nathalie. Isn't that amazing? God is telling me that He has plans for you."

That moment, I had chills. I was amazed that God actually spoke to a person because in my church, I have never experienced anything like that. But at the same time, I became curious and wanted to know what plan was it. That got me praying but still not every day. I was actually praying for the wrong reason. Because I wanted to experience God so much, that I have forgotten I actually have to know Him first, before anything else can be done.

Tonight, is definitely one life changing moment for me. And I am so very grateful to see that God has completely moved me. I was so stressed out with my studies and everything but this amazing preacher, Steve, came to our church today. He was telling us that the first and foremost and most IMPORTANT commandment from God, 

Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.

Isn't that beautiful? I felt so free. After knowing, for ALL these times, my Lord wasn't seeking a perfect version of me but a version of me seeking and looking for God. The more I seek and know Him, the more I will love Him. Amen.

All my life, I have never felt so free.

I really wanted to share this with you all because I hope in this post, you may find some freedom, and peace too. Christians or Non-Christians, Jesus loves us all the same. 

Love,

Nathalie