Come back to me

"Baby, come back to me. You're one in a million."

I am ever so embarrassed by myself yesterday and right now. I was so upset yesterday that I didn't even bother to tweet nor blog nor ever check Facebook. I seriously haven't felt so upset before. It's like hitting rock bottom. So what exactly happened?

I begged my parents to bring me home next year.

Yes... That's how embarrassing it is. I called my parents in the middle of my English class, crying and asking them if I can go back next year to study University at KL. During that moment, it felt like coming to New Zealand was the biggest mistake of my life. But that was during that moment. I seriously have no idea why I was so upset tho. Maybe I'm too homesick or I'm just plain sick of this place. I have no idea. With exams *NCEA coming up soon, I feel more alone than ever. Let me explain, NCEA is just like SPM, only bigger. It helps me to get into University and without passing it, well, I'll be failing my Year 12 which means all my hard work will be gone just like that! *poof! So it's serious business.

Back to the whole crying drama. I felt so miserable that I just couldn't be bothered to do anything at all. Hence, couldn't concentrate during classes and constantly feeling tired and nothing in the world seems right. Things seem to be wrong every time. God, I have never felt so fragile and depressed in my life. Repeat, I know I am going back in a month time but I just can't get over it. Don't ask me why. Cause if I knew, I would have solved my problem already.

I've let everyone down. And I absolutely hate that. Firstly because I know I am my parents hope and they're frigging proud of me for studying overseas earlier than anyone else. Not saying that my brother is not my parents' hope. We both are. Secondly, this is my choice. Nobody made me come here. Nobody forced me to leave. These are all my choices. It's a good choice, I just gotta learn how to love it. See, the point is, I know what's good and bad, what's right and wrong. My mind tells me I'm lucky, my heart tells me I'm unlucky. Okay. Maybe I kinda figured out my problem. Mind vs Heart. Issues going on there. Anyone wanna help me solving this. I'm screwed.

XOXO,

Nathalie